


Letter’s to Jason

by draig_aswec



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: ? - Freeform, AND GAY, Angst, Dark Undertones, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson’s hopeless, Dick is EMO, Dick is Petty, Dick was Jason’s first kiss, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason is soft, Kinda, Letters, M/M, Mentions of Murder, Mutual Pining, Not So Unrequited Love, Possible smut later on, They are like 2 years apart in age, This is Odd?, WTF even is cannon, diary entries, mentions of abuse, mentions of that kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-09-25 19:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draig_aswec/pseuds/draig_aswec
Summary: Jason no, you are not unloved. I know I don’t show it the best, but no matter what I will always love you-I had the idea that Dick had a “hopeless” crush on Jason and wrote a bunch of never sent them but Jason found them and this is the product of that...





	1. Jason No

_ Jason No. _

_ Jason no, you don’t need to be the best. You don’t need to try so hard. _

_ Jason no, you aren’t perfect you never can be. It’s not something anyone can achieve. Trust me, I’ve tried too. _

_ Jason no, you are not unloved. I know I don’t show it the best, but no matter what I will always love you. _

_ Jason no, Bruce doesn’t hate you. He didn’t know how to cope, he didn’t know how to avenge you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. _

_ Jason no, Tim isn’t a replacement. Just like you weren’t a replacement, you never will be. He is Bruce’s son same as you and me, another child who couldn’t go home. _

_ Jason no, you are not evil. You are not bad. You have sinned, but who hasn’t? You are still good.I know you are still good. _

_ Jason no, you were not brought back for no reason. Heaven must have been great, but that wasn’t your time and it isn’t your time now. _

_ Jason no, I don’t resent you. _

_ Jason no, I could never hate you. _

_ Jason no, you’ll never see this. _

_ Jason no, you aren’t good, but you are _ _ perfect. _

***

Setting the old faded letter down Jason looked around the room. 

He’d been back at the manor for maybe a month, slowly settling into a rythme with the others.

He and Tim bonded over coffee and music, spending late nights listening to The Smiths and The Cure and talking about how they were both tired of Bruce’s shit.

He would train with Damian in the mornings, teaching the child while the other taught him just as much, and he’d drive him to and from school on the bike, taking the load off Alfred.

Alfred who he’d sit with at dawn and help cook the evening meal.

And Bruce was would take him out of patrol, and they’d talk and joke.

The only person in the manor who couldn’t seem to let him back in was Dick.

Dick who would glare at him during meals, and avoid him at night. Dick who couldn’t meet his eyes or spare him the time. Dick who hated him.

Or so it had seemed, until Jason had seen the letter. 

Admittedly snooping in Dick’s room for cigarettes probably wouldn’t win him any favor, but who could blame Jason for reading this when his name was written in Dick’s large chicken scratch on the back. Curiosity did kill the cat after all. 

“He loves me,” it was whispered, like a confession, even if not his own. While he clutched the letter to his chest, he knew there where several other’s in the box, all with his name written nice and big on the back. 

Should he read more, fine out what other confessions painted the pages? 

“_Jason no.”_

But who could stop him? Dick wasn’t even here.


	2. Dear Jason

Jason hurried to his room, clutching the other letters as he left.

Cigarettes can wait, Jason needed to get somewhere safe to read the next letter. He knew it was wrong. But hey, he is the bad guy right? 

Or was. 

Jason threw himself on the bed, holding the letters, and opened the next one.

_Dear Jason, you deserve so much better than what you’ve had._

_Dear Jason, I wish I could hold your hand._

_Dear Jason, I wish I could tell you what I feel._

_Dear Jason, I love you._

_Dear Jason, I think you are beautiful._

_Dear Jason, I could live without you. I’ve had to do so before. _

_Dear Jason, I would much rather never have to do that again. It hurts so much when you aren’t in my world._

_Dear Jason, I think of you every night. You feel my dreams and I think I fall harder every time I dream of you._

_Dear Jason, I think your eyes are my favorite sight._

_Dear Jason, when you hold my hand it’s almost like I am flying again._

_Dear Jason, you are not my whole world but I think you are the best part of it._

_Dear Jason, I know there is blood on your hands. But I love you either way. I love the way they feel on my body, even with the sins they’ve committed. I know you could kill me, sometimes I wonder if you want to, but I still want to feel them, on my thighs, in my hair, around my neck, gripping my hips. _

_Dear Jason, I used to think I’d die for another kiss. Now days I wonder if I’d kill a man to feel your lips one more time._

_Dear Jason, sometimes late at night while I lay in bed all I can think about is that night. The one where we left the gala early, where we spared and laughed, where you kissed me up against the wall and I could feel my heart break. _

_Dear Jason, I love your laugh, the almost wheezing sound you make, the crinkle that comes around your eyes, the way your head tilts back and the whole room brighten._

_Dear Jason Todd, I lie. I steal. I cheat. I hate. I curse. I kill. And I know you do to. _

_Dear Jason Todd, I think I’m in love with you._

_Dear Jason Todd, I cried every night for years. _

_Dear Jason Todd, I don’t want to lose you again._

_Dear Jason Todd, can I have you? For a night? For a day? For a kiss? For life? I don’t think I’d care, I just want a moment where I can pour as much of my love as I can into your beautiful skin._

_Dear Jason Todd, I hope you will feel the same one day._


	3. Tears

His cheeks were wet. He knew it, could feel the traitorous tears falling down and one the letter.

_’one day_’

As if Jason hadn’t feel for Dick the moment he met the gymnast. Sure he was jealous, Dick was perfect. There wasn’t a moment when Jason didn’t want Dick, but he had assumed, that after _The Kiss_, Dick didn't want him.

it was Dick who rushed off as soon as they separated anyways. 

Plus Dick always liked gingers. 

_Wally. _

_Barbra. _

_Roy_. 

No one would guess sweet little Dick Grayson would want the fuck up Jason Todd. 

It didn’t make sense. 

Jason needed to talk to Dick. 

Now. 


	4. Bane Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write something short and fluffy so here is a quick thing sorry I haven’t updated on a few days

Jason startled dropping the next letter as sirens sounded around the house he heard Bruce and Dick yelling for everyone to gear up from down the hall and rushed to change out of his sweats and into his suit. 

  


Once own he ran down the stairs toward the cave seeing Bruce, Dick and Damien already there, Tim was just behind him. "What's going on?" he asked looking at Bruce, eye contact with Dick would be far too much today. 

"Joker is on the loose, he, Bane and Penguin all escaped about fifteen minutes ago i figured we could split up into teams since,Batgirl is out there tonight and with teams of two we should be able to catch all three fairly fast." Dick explained sanding in front of them while Bruce nodded along. "Batgirl is out by the pier, Tim you are going to meet her on your cycle chase down Penguin, Damian you are going with Bruce after Joker in the batmobile, Red Hood your with me. We are taking Bane back," Dick finished his instruction before walking over to the area where both of their bikes where parked and sitting on Jason's.

"What exactly are you doing on my bike Dicky?" Jason ask as he follows the acrobat toward them. 

He and Grayson may need to talk about how they are "in love" but that does not mean Jason is letting Dick ride his bike. His bike was his baby, he was not letting anyone drive it, no matter how cute they were or how tight they wear their pants. 

_"Get. Off. My. Bike. Grayson."_ Jason hissed in Dick's ear as the other rolled his eyes. 

"Oh come on Jay don't you love me, can't we just kiss and make up," the voice was, if Jason had to guess, an impression of Roy, which 1 was horrible and 2 _EW_. 

But if Dick wants to have fun.

"Good idea Richard, why don't you get off ,my bike and i'll give you a little kiss baby boy? You know I love you," what they needed to talk about what Jason found _eventually_ that doesn't mean Jason can't tease the hell out of Dick for a while before then. Plus Dick's eyes where the size of dinner plates while he stared back at Jason, probably thinking about the last time they kissed, all of 17 and hiding up against a wall in the batcave after they shad sneaked out of a particularly boring gala. 

  
"My bike is gettig fixed right now we have to take yours," Dick turned from Jason putting his hands on the handles.

"Then get in back baby boy, no one gets to drive my bike but me, Surprisingly Dick did as told, moving back so Jason could get in front of him. 

So Jason figured it best to keep his end of the bargain to, leaning forward Jason grabs the back of Dick's head before pressing a light kiss to the corner of Dick's mouth. "There we've kissed and made up Dicky, now we have to take down Bane, So hold on tight," Jason tried not to be to obviously proud by the pink color that covered Dick's face as they drove off.

***

The pair speeded towards a warehouse where Bane was supposed to be, walking in, Dick spotted the steroid junkie throwing around boxes, probably looking for shelter or more juice. 

Dick threw a mini explosive behind Bane causing the villain to jump back in preparation of a fight, while turned Jason made two leg shots, hitting the knee area, when Bane turned he saw Nightwing first who flipped out of the way when Bane made a move towards him, Dick continued to trow two more explosives at Bane who fell over after the second one, Jason threw one of Roy's foam explosive things next, which covered bane in a nearly unbreakable prison while Dick called to let the GCPD know that they had apprehended Bane.

"Is it just me or was that almost two easy," Jason asked as he got back on the bike and Dick wrapped himself around him. 

"No, Bane just sucks,"

***

Once back in the manor, Jason walked towards his room, ready to read the next confession before he made his own. Ten again, the letters were old, maybe the words in them mean nothing to Dick any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcome and appreciated 
> 
> Also I’m man enough to admit I only wrote this chapter cause I wanted Jason teasingly kissing Dick in a non sexual situation and then kicking someone’s ass ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	5. My Sweet Jason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay double update c: enjoy the angst lovelies

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, your mouth is cursed, you open it and poison drips out in a steady flow. I shouldn’t love the taste.  _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, you’re toxic and dangerous and sometimes I wish I could feel you kill me just so I knew I was alive and you are real.  _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, you are the embodiment of sin, and I wanna drown in it. _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, will you drag me to hell with you? _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, these thoughts swimming in my head aren’t healthy. _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, I think I’m obsessed with yourmouth. Your cruel, evil mouth. _ </strike>

<strike> _ My sweet Jason, you’re the villain and I’m the hero but if you loved me I’d take over the world just to hand it over to you.  _ </strike>

_ My sweet Jason, I want you to be bad but you're here now and I know you innocents is real.  _

_ My sweet Jason, youre not a villain but I feel like one when I think of what I’d do for you.  _

_My sweet Jason, I wish you would have never came back because life without you in it is torture but having you here 3 rooms down and not being able to touch is hell._

_ My sweet Jason, I’ve loved you since I was 16 and heard your laugh for the first time.  _

_ My sweet Jason, I’m 25 and your still the only person to ever make me feel alive. _

_ My sweet Jason, that mouth of yours is venomous but I was to feel in all over me.  _

_ My sweet Jason, I used to dream of your lip everyday and every night. Now I pay and think about the way your blood stained hands would feel around my neck and on my hips.  _

_ My sweet Jason, I’d kill every man who ever hurt you, drag your parents back from hell simply to punish them again, because no child should be hurt the way they hurt you.  _

_ My sweet Jason, ever since you came back I say up at night thinking of list and list of things I’d do if you’d just ask.  _

_ My sweet Jason, I love you.  _

_ My sweet Jason, I wish you loved me, I’d do anything if you would just love me. But I know you can’t , won’t ever see me for anything more than the other robin, that you have never thought of my lips, that what a night together would hold has never crossed your mind. _

_ My sweet Jason, I’m going to leave soon, back to Blüdhaven, and I won’t see you again unless the world is ending. _

_ My sweet Jason, I’m trying to convince myself your the villain, but I’m tired of those lies.  _

_ My sweet Jason, your my favorite hero, your the love of my life, your the best man I know _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna give me validation in the form of comments and kudos that would be super appreciated


	6. Richard my love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But what if Jason wrote a letter????
> 
> Also chapter 7 should be out tomorrow and 8 won’t take very long

_Richard my love, I was 15 when I met you, I remember my first thought, “wow he’s perfect” I had seen your picture 1000 times but it couldn’t compare to those eyes in real life. _

_Richard my love, I’ll be honest I’m a fool, I don’t have a poets tonguebut I do have the truth. _

_Richard my love, you’re an idiot and a coward, I’ve loved you forever. _

_Richard my love, don’t tell lies when you don’t have anyone to lie to, i know you loved Korri at one time, and I know Wally, Garth and Zatana have all owned your heart before. _

_Richard my love, don’t tell me no, now I want to misbehave. _

_Richard my love, I’m a sin? Then what are you? Your the one who was raised in a circus I know you know I know you learned how to be a contortionist young and never lost practice._

_Richard my love, how could you not see I felt for you too? You where my first real friend and my first love. _

_Richard my love, next time I’ll be sure to scream my affections from the rooftops. No subtlety, it would be a waste you wouldn’t catch a thing. <strike>When I propose it’ll be the biggest thing ever, so hopefully I won’t need to clarify past “will you marry me” after. </strike>_

_Richard my love, come to my room after you read this, because writing down feeling in a poetic format to never send is more your thing, my point is I love you, I read your letters to me, and I don’t want the world, but I wouldn’t mind to be able to kiss you again_

_PS. Sorry about that thing in the garage that was totally inappropriate but you looked so cute. And I really want to kiss you again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please validate my life with comments and kudos


	7. Kissing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what the rant Jason went on is please forgive me if this isn’t my best work. It really isn’t.

Dick stormed into Jason’s room almost three hours after the younger had sent the letter. 

At this point Jason had smoked three whole packs of cigarettes, worked out twice and contemplated faking his death to avoid seeing Dick. However now Dick stood in the doorway of Jason’s room, clutching the letter and gaping at the other.Neither of them had spoken yet. 

Taking a deep breath Jason figured he’s have to jump first, “I got your letters,” it’s not bold or particularly romantic, but it’s an opening for Dick to say what he needs.

“You were never supposed to read those,” his voice sounds broken, and his eyes won’t meet Jason’s. 

“But I did. Now I think both of our feelings are obviously, and I want to be clear, yeah I want to kiss you silent for once, but I want you to know this is real, not just physical,” He smirks at the gymnast who looks at him wide eyed. 

“You’re not joking?” Jason shakes his head, “and this isn’t a prank?” another shake, “and you feel the same?” A nod. 

“Look Dick I’m not a poet, I can’t write you love letters, and as much as I do want to kiss you up against the wall, I also need to tell you some things first,” Dick nods and they both move to sit on the bed, “You were my first crush Dick, even if you’re an idiot, that I’m the “only one” bullshit I know that’s not true. Just like your not the only one in the universe for me, we aren’t some played out love story, but you were the first person I liked and my first kiss, and even when my eyes were trained on someone else I’d always have feelings for you, and yeah I love you, but I want to have a relationship and I want it to be healthy and good and not something that will permanently break either of us if something does happen,

I love you, Richard John Grayson.”

“I love you too Jay. I just, I promise i won’t center my life around you, but I’ve wanted to kiss you for years. Can we please kiss?” Dick says and Jason wraps his hands around Dicks face before letting their lips meet. 

Dick’s lips are chapped and Jason feels like this might be the best moment of his adult life. 

It’s not hot and rushed and horny like their first kiss. 

And it’s not a teasing prick like the one Jason had given Dick earlier that day. 

No, it was real, and filled up with almost ten years of secret attraction and love. _This is what being alive must feel like. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me your affection in the form of kudos and comments 
> 
> -I’ll try to make next chapter better I promise I know this wasn’t very good


	8. First kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idfk what I’m doing but here

Jason smiled down, he wasn't sure what had happened. 

A slow kiss in his childhood bedroom had lead to making plans for a date, to eating dinner at a completely over priced restaurant. 'Dinner" was followed by pulling up to a drive trough and sharing burgers and fries on the roof of an old building. And that's where they are now, Jason sprawled out looking at the stars while occasionally stealing one of the fries, Dick resting his head on the other man's chest and holding the food while they trade little things under the stars. 

"My first kiss was Roy," Dick laughed, "I don't remember why but i'm fairly certain Wally walked in after a moment and had a heart attack," Jason joined in on the laughter, clearly imagining what the the speedster's face looked like when saw. "What about you Jay? I don't think I've heard that story yet," Dick looks up at him and Jason feels his cheeks heat up.

"Well it was probably one of the top ten kisses of my life," Jason says and Dick raises an eye brow.

"Oh yeah? tell me the story,"

"Well you already know it D," The older's gives him a confused look but still smirking," we where training in the cave and arguing about which of us could run farther or something and I bet I could do anything better than you, and then we bet who was the better kisser," Jason shrugs before he begins to play with Dick's hair.

"That was your first kiss?" Dick sounds sad for a moment while he looks at Jason.

"Yeah, you took my first kiss, and you choked me against Bruce's locker until Alfred caught us and we didn't talk for three weeks," Jason laughs.

"And we didn't talk for almost three years," Dick corrects.

"What?"

"We only saw each other once after that before the-" he cuts himself off not wanting to bring up such sad memories.

"Before I died? Sometimes those years don't really seem real, I was 16 one day, crushing on an idiotic acrobat," he chuckles and Dick slaps him lightly on the chest, " and the next three years have passed. I was so angry and running the Gotham crime grounds, and then I was gone with the outlaws and now I'm back and I don't know if I'm twenty-four or twenty-one and somehow you like me, and Bruce still wants me here, and I'm still part of the family and I have the outlaws. Dick bad things happen to us, but we have so much more. Don't be afraid to say stuff I'm a big boy, I can hear the words," Jason kisses Dick's head and continues to play with his hair.

"I don't think I'll ever understand you Mr Todd,"

"Don't feel bad, I don't understand myself most the time,"

"Hey little wing?" Jason groans at the nick name,

"What?"

"I love you," it's a whisper almost spoken like some horrible confession of sin but Dick is staring up at him like a buffoon but smiling so much his cheeks must hurt.

"I love you too," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls comment and give kudos its my life source


	9. 20 things I already love and 1 I’d love more than anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I oop

**3 years later**

Dick walks into his and Jason’s bedroom, they had bought an apartment together almost two years ago. Dick expects to see Jason in the room, they had agreed to stay in for their anniversary this year. Eat some pasta Alfred had sent and the night before and enjoy a night in. So it was reasonable for Dick to be confused when the room was empty except for a folded sheet of paper on their bed...

_20 THINGS I LOVE_

  1. _The way it feels when you curl into my side at night after a long patrol._
  2. _The way your ass looks in that ridiculous Nightwing costume._
  3. _Quiet talks on the fire escape _
  4. _family dinners at the manor_
  5. _Listening to you and Wally talk 100 miles an hour about nothing_
  6. _How you care far too much about Star Trek _
  7. _How you always sing Bowie songs in the shower_
  8. _The way our bed smells like you even when you aren’t there_
  9. _The way our nightstands are covered in photos of every single person we know_
  10. _The way you still try to hide from Bruce that you smoke even though your nearing 30_
  11. _The way you cry every time we watch any romcom_
  12. _The way you never say a thing of I cry with you_
  13. _The way you still blush when I kiss you_
  14. _And the sounds you make when I do more than kiss you_
  15. _How your voice sounds when it’s early and we just wake up_
  16. _How you care so much_
  17. _That you can’t turn your back on anyone in need_
  18. _That you can forgive anyone if they are honest_
  19. _Little kisses you steal during patrol_
  20. _Midnight concerts when you sing the Ziggy Stardust album instead of focusing on our mission _

_And one thing I think I’d love more than anything else_

_ 21\. Being able to call you my husband_

_   
_

Dick dropped the paper covering his mouth, when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. 

(Bruce would be so disappointed anyone snuck up on him.)

Dick turns around to see Jason on one knee, their is a black box in his hand and he’s smiling at him. 

“I could use an answer Grayson,” 

“Yes,” his cheeks feel like they may fall off, “my sweet Jason, I’d love to marry you,” he feels the tears pooling in his eyes. Jason stands up opening the box and slipping a black and silver ring with three stones on Dick’s finger.

”I love you,” Jason whispers before pulling him into a kiss. 

“I love you too,” he whispers once they pull apart and then looks down at the ring again, “A ruby, a sapphire and a yellow stone? Do they mean something,”

”Blue for Nightwing, Red for RedHood, Yellow for Robin,” Dick lets out a laugh as Jason’s cheeks turn pink.

”God you nerd, I love you so much,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I did a time skip What a trip
> 
> Idk give me love in the form of kudos and comments


End file.
